Post Treatment

“Post Treatment” is not a new cold cereal packed with protons (even though it could easily be confused with Post Toasties). In reality it is learning how to land after 9 weeks of radiation treatment and 11 weeks from being away from home. Looking back it is almost surreal. I know for patients that live near the medical center and carry on their normal daily routines during treatment this may not be the case. But for me, there was this emotional withdrawal I did not anticipate. I was definitely ready to be done with the “balloons” but not the relationships. In our final “exit meeting” Lynette prepared us for the medical side of post treatment, but what about the sudden arrival of this emotional wrinkle?

This week I have been going through a number of photographs I took during this adventure for the purpose of sending them off to some of my proton pals. I was reminded what a special time this was in my life. Chances are I will not see very many of them again in my lifetime, but there will be this permanent memory of a shared journey. Being treated for prostate cancer almost took a backseat to the rest of the experience.

I remember when I first arrived at the Loma Linda Medical Center I had the opportunity to attend my first Wednesday night support group meeting the day of my first balloon. The facilitator, Lynn Martell, made the statement that “we” were not to worry about our cancer while we were here because “they” were taking care of that angle. Our focus was to be on the rest of the healing process and the many opportunities that surrounded us. What was interesting was that without really thinking about that statement, it naturally happened. Probably not so much so with the “locals,” but for many of us “pilgrim patients” a unique bonding takes place.

This did not take place on its own. A choice was made to make the most of what could be otherwise construed as a negative situation. I am sure there are those who go through this by “holing up and waiting it out.” Having my bride of 36 years with me through this whole voyage guaranteed that would not be the case for us. We wanted to take advantage of each day and the opportunities that awaited us … and that we did.

In reflection this all revolved around relationships. Interaction with the staff at the medical center stands out as a significant part of the healing process. From the reception rooms to the treatment rooms these people became more than a name tag. They are your allies, your friends. At the Drayson Center you are made to feel like family. We have become “Friends” on Facebook with a number of the staff. At the Wednesday night support group you are part of the “community.” Lynn, Patti and Clyde make sure of that. All along the way you touch other people’s lives and they yours.

What now? Do we let this all get stored on a shelf in our memories or do we plug it in and use it? My vote is to keep these relationships active for as long as possible. Fortunately with modern technology it is easier today to stay in touch than ten years ago. But it is not automatic … it has to be intentional. Be the one to take the initiative. You will be glad you did. If you are at the beginning of your journey with prostate cancer, remember you are not alone. Get plugged in.

Who in the World Do You Think You Are?

On an outing to Disneyland this past November we found ourselves surrounded by an abundance of heads donning Mickey and Goofy ears, wannabe Jedi Warriors and an assortment of Disney princesses. And those were just the parents. As for me, I just settled in to being plain old John from Vancouver. No fanfare, no autograph seekers and no special treatment at any of the attractions. The fire truck driver did let me sit at the wheel on Main Street while he snapped a picture. Wow … I sat where Walt Disney sat!

Along with the fictional characters of our youth, sports teams and athletes, beer companies, and colleges across the land all strive to imprint themselves into our personalities. What does your favorite t-shirt say? I know I have my fair share of logo-laden garments. Your sports teams wax and wane, the t-shirts fade and tear, and your college teams still have a hard time graduating their star players. What is it that drives us to identify ourselves with other people or other things? Are we trying to feed our alter ego or live vicariously in another galaxy far away?

With prostate cancer another defining dimension is added to your life. However, this dimension chooses you rather than you choosing it. No one can really answer the question, “Why did I get prostate cancer?” But we can wrestle with this next question, “What can I do now that I have or have had prostate cancer?” Do I wear it like a hat or a T-shirt? Truth be told, there is not a market for “Prostate Power” t-shirts. There is an enigma associated with this cancer. It strikes at the core of a man’s “maleness.” This is a cancer that most men would rather not talk about.

One of the benefits from the offerings for the prostate cancer patients at Loma Linda is attending the Wednesday, men only, clinical support group. In this format we can bare it all in a manly sort of way. No fancy paintings on the wall and no soft music or water features attending our souls. Just a bunch of guys sitting around a table with a center piece of chocolate chip cookies and fruit juice discussing and sharing questions and concerns about our personal journey with prostate cancer. We all had something to add because we all had been impacted by this cancer.

With more men being diagnosed earlier, the opportunities to draw on the experiences of others are also increasing. Not all of us are going to start a prostate cancer foundation, but opportunities to involve ourselves in others’ lives are all around us. At work, in the neighborhood, at the gym or at the barbershop we can find men who are or will be faced with this disease. This is not a challenge to wear your story but an invitation to share your story. After all this is who we are.

Walks of Life

During my present journey with prostate cancer I have encountered people from many walks if life: doctors, lawyers, physicists, engineers, farmers, truck drivers, pastors, actors, retirees, salespeople and on the list could go. When I thought of the phrase “walks of life” I began to ponder the depths of that expression and how it applies to everyone who seeks significance to their being. “Walking” implies movement towards a destination while “life” suggests existence and meaning.

Recently a friend of mine challenged me in this area. Even though unemployment and prostate cancer interrupted what I thought was my walk of life, he encouraged me to re-evaluate my life path. Prior to my diagnosis of prostate cancer I must confess my “walking” had been focused on the “movement” aspect not the “meaning” component.

As I evaluate my present “walk of life” I am continually reminded I am a work in progress in need of recalibration like my pod in Gantry 3. With each daily treatment two new x-rays are taken to see what adjustments are necessary to ensure the target area is hit as planned. Each day I hear the technicians call out the new positioning coordinates. The adjustments are slight, but they are essential to accomplish the intended results. I must ask myself, “What adjustments do I need to make, even if they are ever so slight, to be on target for each day?"


“… walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4: 1-3)

The Gift of Today

Each day we are given is a gift. Unfortunately too many people do not know how to open the present.

Upside Down

Certain things are suppose to be upside down or backwards. Take for instance “Pineapple Upside Down Cake” as the obvious one. Upside down tomato plants are in vogue with the urban gardeners. Or how about how our vision is really projected upside down on our retina but it is our brain that flips it around for us. Some researchers believe that newborn babies see the world upside down for the first few days of their lives until their brains make the proper adjustments. Of course later in life those same babies turn into teenagers who then think their parents see everything upside down and have no brains.

When you encounter life changing circumstances like a death of a loved one or a life threatening diagnosis it often turns your world upside down. As we have been interacting with various patients undergoing proton beam treatment (PBT) here at Loma Linda, this has been a recurring theme. Sure we all came here by choice but it was not something we intended to do. Last October a medical trip to Southern California to treat cancer was not on our “must do before we die” list. Proton therapy might be a wonder of science and physics but it is not one of the “Wonders of the World.”

It is apparent that there are a number of elements that help in the process of turning things back around. Like with the eye and the retina ruse, the brain is vital in restoring focus for those difficult times in our lives. From those we have talked to the word “research” heads the list of activities implemented to right the ship on this course with prostate cancer. It is personal research as well as relying on the capable research of others.

Time is another key ingredient in rectifying one’s perspective. Some of life’s challenges require more steps than others, thus more time. If you are growing squash it is only a matter of months before you see the fruit of your labors. But if you want an acorn from an oak tree it is another story. Many patients here spent much time in their deliberations before settling on a verdict to treat their cancer with PBT.

Faith enters the picture often within this framework. There are numerous individuals being treated here at LLUMC who have expressed how their faith and personal relationship with their God has been an anchor in their journey. Martin Luther King, Jr. capsulated faith in this way: “Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.” Taking this analogy a step further you can see how the mind and the eyes work together in making that next step. You may be looking for all of the answers to what lies ahead, but all you really need is enough information to take the next step.

Like with the newborn baby, an upside down world can be turned around with not only our brains, but also with time and our faith going to bat for us.

Proverbs 15:22 (New Living Translation)
“Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success.”

Help is on the Way

Loma Linda University Medical Center is the only level one regional trauma center for Inyo, Mono, Riverside, and San Bernardino counties in Southern California. As a result patients and visitors will more than likely see and/or hear helicopters arriving and departing regularly at the Medical Center. Literally there are thousands of landings per year. If you have ever been close to a helicopter you know how loud they are. Our little cottage is within view and earshot of the two heliports at the facility. I think we hear more helicopters than ambulances.

The thundering noise can have a number of effects on people. To some it might be an irritation. To others it signals that help is on the way. When we first arrived all I was hearing was the clamor from these contraptions. When we learned about the trauma center we understood the significance of the noise from these “flying hospitals.” With my “hearing” I was able to add knowledge and understanding. Can you imagine someone living near the facility saying “can’t they land those things somewhere else?” Ignorance can have a stifling effect on our perception and points of view. I see the proton center here at LLUMC in a similar light.

As I researched prostate cancer and consulted with doctors, proton beam therapy (PBT) was a blip on the radar screen. Many patients are not even presented with this treatment as an option. As I have read patient testimonials I have been amazed at how many have stated their doctors were not aware of it. Some consider this treatment “experimental” or “unproven.” Added to that is the fact that some insurance companies still refuse to reimburse or cover the cost of this treatment. Much of this probably stems from a lack of knowledge regarding PBT.

Proton technology has been around for a long time. The first patients treated with proton beams were done so at the Lawrence Berkley Laboratory in California in 1955. But it wasn’t until 1990 that LLUMC opened “the world’s first proton facility designed for patient treatment and research in a hospital setting.” It was the only one of its kind for 13 years. To dispel the misconceptions regarding PBT consider the following. About 55,000 patients worldwide had been treated with proton therapy with over 12,000 of those patients having been treated at the LLUMC proton center. There are currently six proton centers operating in the United States with four more under construction and others under development. Medicare and the majority of private insurance companies cover this form of treatment; and the U.S. FDA has approved it use for treatment of cancer.

There were many compelling medical and personal reasons for me in choosing PBT beyond those mentioned above, but I was not going to let my own ignorance get in the way. The ability to distinguish between opinion and fact was vitally important. The more I studied prostate cancer the more I felt drawn to PBT as my treatment path. The constant helicopter traffic is a reminder that help is on the way here at LLUMC. It is a comfort knowing “I am at the right place at the right time.”

Off Ramp: Loma Linda

For those of you interested in following along in more of a daily journal type format I will be adding weekly updates along the way on an alternate blog noted to the left under "Updates." "On the Path with Prostate Cancer" will remain focused on my reflections and observations along the way. Your comments are always welcomed and appreciated.

Thank you for joining in on the journey!